Parents and loved ones, you might unknowingly be making things worse for your child with OCD and anxiety. No, this isn't to shame you, instead, let you know how to make things better. And for you watching who has anxiety and OCD, this is for you too.

This topic is something that I've been wanting to discuss for a while now because it's something that is oh so common, because guess what. We typically do anything we can to make sure our loved one feels safe and secure. It means we love them. But loving them this way may hinder their progress.

Now, let me start by saying that parents, you are doing an incredible job caring for your children, and your love and support are invaluable. However, when it comes to anxiety and OCD, sometimes our natural instincts to protect and comfort our kids can inadvertently reinforce their symptoms. So, let's talk about why this happens and what we can do instead.

We have to learn to throw away our natural instinct and instead give answers that seem painful yet effective over time. Here's what I mean.

How to stop reassurance with OCD

One of the common ways parents think their helping is through reassurance. When a child with anxiety or OCD asks questions like, "Am I going to be okay?" or "Did I do everything right?" "Am I going to get sick?" "Are you going to be safe?" "Do you love me?" parents often respond with comforting answers. While this may provide temporary relief, it can actually perpetuate the cycle of anxiety and OCD.

Well, then why wouldn't you. It's a simple question with a simple answer. But what happens when a simple question is now asked multiple times a day. And now you must answer that question certain way or else it's not good enough.

The problem with giving one of these simple answers, is that it provides temporary relief and long-term reinforcement. Meaning their brain will learn that they got relief by asking you a question and getting a good response. So the next time they feel this their brain is going to kick into gear and say hey, you know I hope last time, go do that again.

Answering those questions like, you're going to be fine. Don't worry I sanitized everything. Yes we love you I already told you that. No you're a good person, you'd never hurt someone.

I mean, hello, why would we not give these kind of answers. We're human. We don't do it because it only provides temperary relief and then their brain kicks back into gear as says....but are you sure? May be I need to go into more details you can fully understand before you give me an answer again. Ultimately this ends up causing more doubt and distress. It is not a good feeling to have. But as a parent or loved one, we are going to do anything we can to make them feel better or kick them out of anxiety moment they are currently in. If we can remove somebody from their suffering even if it's temporary were willing to do it.

This is why it is so absolutely difficult to stop giving reassurance. We love those with OCD and we can show that we do by not providing reassurance. It is so hard to do this but it shows your loved one that you care enough to not give in. Is actually making them better if they're willing to take on that challenge.

Tips to stop reassurance asking for OCD

Here are three ways you can respond to your child instead of giving reassurance.

#1 - acknowledge their feelings. This is what it sounds like. Mom I ate that food and don't know if it was expired or not, but my stomach is starting to hurt and I don't know from going to throw up. Do you think I'm okay? --- Keep in mind that this is just a one time thing they've asked is probably the 20th or so time they've asked this today.

Here is the response: I am so sorry that you're feeling this way right now. I'm sure that's got to be such an uncomfortable feeling. I love you.

You have acknowledged what they are feeling and even if you know they're probably going to be okay were not telling them that. I know at this point it's not going to be golden. They're not just gonna say okay and move on their merry way. It's likely they're going to keep asking you in different various ways. Your job is to acknowledge their feelings.

#2 - encourage them to do and exposure. No kid or loved one likes to be told what to do. Especially when it is something that causes a lot of anxiety and distress. If you already have a plan set up, see if they will be willing to do and exposure with you. Help them with phrases. Maybe, maybe not is a good one. In moments where there anxiety is not skyhigh they may be willing to do this. Instead of them not getting reassurance and just spinning with thoughts, let's turn it into an action so the rain can learn something new and different.

#3 - be a part of their treatment. Whether it's my online course or a therapist that they are seeing. They need your support. It is possible they are not being completely open with what they are experiencing. Because this means if they talk about it they have to work on it. Create a game plan with them on what questions you are not going to answer anymore and how they can stay accountable with doing various treatment skills. Create incentives if needed. This is not 100% get rid of all reassurance, it's a process.

The process for treating OCD can be difficult to understand fully. Especially for a parent or spouse of those trying to support others with OCD. Luckily I have the master your OCD online course for your loved one and your very own special support persons course to help you know exactly what to do and how to help.

I'm going to leave that down in the description. I may be biased, but I know it's amazing.

So parents, spouses, loved ones, You're doing a great job. Let's continue to enhance your skills. If you are the one with OCD, send this to your parents, send this to your spouse, send this to your support person. Bring them into your life.