Why do you keep feeling anxiety in your relationships? Why do you keep doubting and questioning if this is the right person? Why is the only answer for relief that you need to break up? Are you experiencing normal relationship anxiety or is it relationship OCD?

I'll give you two scenarios and see if you can tell the difference!
Sarah has always been a bit of a perfectionist, but as she grew older, she began to develop a fear of making mistakes in her relationships. She became fixated on the idea of finding the perfect partner and having the perfect relationship, and would constantly question her own feelings and those of her partners.

Sarah would constantly second-guess herself, and would often break off relationships over small issues that she had blown out of proportion in her mind. She would also go through her partners' phones and social media, looking for any signs of infidelity or deception. She would ask her friends and even the internet what they thought about the relationship.

As a result, Sarah's relationships would often be short-lived and she would end up feeling lonely and unfulfilled. She knew something wasn't right, but she couldn't shake her feelings of anxiety and insecurity. Ultimately, the only relief she would find is when she would end the relationship. This cycle would continue with each relationship she was in.

What do you think? OCD or just anxiety?

How about this one?

Sarah was a young woman who had always struggled with anxiety. She had always been a bit of a perfectionist, and her fear of making mistakes had held her back in many areas of her life, including her relationships. Despite her best efforts, she found herself constantly second-guessing her feelings and those of her partners, and was unable to fully commit to any of her relationships.

One day, Sarah met a man named Alex. He was kind, understanding and had a great sense of humor. Sarah couldn't help but feel a connection with him, but her anxiety was holding her back. She was worried that she would make a mistake and possibly marry the wrong person. She would often break off relationships due to this insecurity and doubt about if the relationship would work long term.

Which one is OCD and which one is natural self-doubt and anxiety?

If you thought the first story was OCD, you would be correct. While both stories sound similar, there are a few distinctions.

With OCD and doubting a relationship, it can be pretty consent. It's doing many actions to verify if the relationship is right for them or not. It's typically asking for reassurance from others. There is strait up anxiety and fear. But this anxiety is different than normal anxiety. This anxiety is a "fix it right now and know for sure this instant" kind of anxiety. Being in the relationship can often be triggering, they hyper focus on aspect of their partner to verify if it's a problem or not. "They got on their phone in the middle of our conversation...yep we need to break up" They question if they'd be happier in another relationship, if they aren't attractive enough, or if they love them enough.

If they find someone else attractive, it must mean they don't love their partner as much as they thought they did. Ultimately, their brain says the only relief you will find is to break up....and really, they do feel relief and confident enough to get into another relationship and BAM, it starts all over.

Relationship anxiety on the other hand is different. We're all supposed to make the best decisions for us, that's the point of dating. See if this person is right for me or not. If they match my values. There is normal doubt. The difference however, is that it's logical doubt, It's not constant, it's noticing that values aren't being met and just the uncertainties of the future. Typically, these individuals feel anxious but pursue the relationship anyway. They can logically think themselves through a situation and breakup when it's appropriate.

Ultimately, here's the break down:

I'm in a relationship, I'm feeling anxiety most of the day, I have constant doubts with no real evidence of a problem. I keep doing compulsions or safety behaviors to make sure the relationship is right but it never really feels good enough....this is relationship OCD.

Vs.

I'm in a relationship, I feel doubts about the relationship because I'm not sure if they meet my same standards. I feel a little insecure about the future. I don't look for red flags, but they will find me if there are any. I continue moving forward despite the fears.

With either, typically the idea is to roll forward regardless of the fears. I'm not sure if this is right for me, but I'm willing to role the dice. When do I break up? When the other person no longer meets my value system or I see major red flags that give me no doubt, but certainty that this person is not for me.

This isn't 100%, but typically, if someone questions if what they are experiencing is ROCD or real, we might treat it as ROCD and see what happens. That question alone keeps people stuck.

Treatment really can help when it comes to anxiety and/or OCD related to relationships. Exposure and response prevention can help reduce these doubts and fears and help you respond differently to them. My online course will teach you how to do it step by step, if you haven't checked that out, link in the description. *wink

So tell me, have you experienced relationship OCD or typical relationship anxiety? What doubts does your brain produce?

Also, to enhance your learning and gain more insight on ROCD, go watch this video right now. You're gonna need it.

Thanks for watching and I'll see you next time!